


Not Alone

by leiasfate



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Heartache, Hopeful Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 06:01:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14710446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiasfate/pseuds/leiasfate
Summary: “It’s been ten months without him, Winn.” Her voice was bitter. “Ten months, where nothing good happened.”Kara cracks under the pressure of her feelings, and Winn is there for her, giving her the chance to vent and help her with her conflicted emotions. It leads to more than she would’ve dared to hope for.Set after 3x18.(Because we need more of the underappreciated Kara/Winn friendship)





	Not Alone

Things were finally starting to look up for Kara.

 

She still had to deal with Reign, but at least she had backup, and actually knew her weaknesses. That was huge progress, given what had happened on their first fight. She didn’t even want to remember it. She had been distracted, she had let herself be weak because of what happened with Mon-El.

 

Mon-El, who had come back to help her in the fight against Reign. Mon-El, who was still very present in her heart. Kara had put up a wall as soon as he said they were leaving. She didn’t want anyone to see how truly affected she was, didn’t want anyone to see her cry. She didn’t want to lose him again, but it was inevitable. He had a life, a home, without her. She didn’t mean anything to him. So she built a wall around her, and said goodbye to him without tears, without giving him a hug that was going to be very uncomfortable for him, since his wife was there. She said goodbye without looking back. His departure occupied her mind for the rest of the day, even when she confronted Reign.

 

But then... Rao, then he came back to the DEO, in all his glory. He was going to help them. It was like releasing a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. He was back. But the wall was already up, she didn’t want to show any unwanted emotions. So she only smiled brightly, without fully expressing what she felt. She couldn’t.

 

And then she surprised herself by asking him why he’d come back, when she already knew the answer. Maybe, deep down, she was hoping for his answer to change. She was hoping he would say he had come back for her. But he didn’t, so she had to keep pretending she wasn’t affected by anything. Her facade was working well, since she managed to touch his shoulder without trembling. Good.

 

But in the night, she realized things weren’t starting to look up for her. She’d been wrong. Lena said horrible things about Supergirl, without knowing she was standing by her side. And honestly, her words cut deeply. Especially when Lena compared her to Lilian. It was like being run through with a sword.

 

Kara had a personal resentment against Lilian. That woman hurt Mon-El, almost killed him, just to get to her. She abducted Jeremiah, and had him in captivity for years, making him turn against his family. She also was the one who suggested to use that damn button, the one that destroyed her life.

 

So yeah, being compared to that demon hurt a lot.

 

But she kept her wall up. She didn’t show how it hurt her. She sat through the whole night with a smile on her face, pretending that everything was fine.

 

Alex occasionally glanced at her with suspicion, but ultimately didn’t say anything.

 

Everything wasn’t fine. Everything was going to hell.

 

But she had to keep it to herself.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

In the morning, with no motivation, she dressed up to go to the DEO. Yay.

 

Well, she would see Mon-El. Not that she could actually touch him, or anything. But he was smiling more often, and that was a sight for her sore eyes. She could even see his adorable dimples. Look, but don’t touch: that was what she had to tell herself every day. But at least he was there. He wasn’t gone. That was enough.

 

At least she kept his eyes in her life.

 

She hoped something interesting would happen. Not with Reign, though. Maybe a fun adventure, like the ones she used to have. That would be a relief to her tensions. Her life had been darkened, so maybe a little light would make her feel better.

 

As soon as she got there, she saw Mon-El and Winn talking.

 

“Hey, guys.”

 

Mon-El grinned, and his sparkly eyes were brought out by his blue shirt. Well, finally, he was wearing something else besides that black uniform.

 

She went over to Winn’s side, and gave him a kiss on the cheek, like usual. She must’ve imagined the acidic glance Mon-El threw on their direction.

 

“So, anything for me, Winn?”

 

“No, sweetheart. I was just talking to Mon-El about this new MLB game.”

 

“Oh, yeah. I have it. It’s really good.”

 

“What?!”

 

Oh, she forgot Winn didn’t know she had a playstation. And hundreds of games.

 

He let out an indignant gasp. “How come you didn’t tell me when we were at your loft?”

 

“You didn’t... ask?” She shrugged. “But hey, I’ll let you borrow it. Just don’t change my Yankees. That’s the my default team on the game.”

 

“Yes!” Winn hugged her. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Mon-El cleared his throat. They had forgotten he was there. She suddenly felt guilty for ignoring him.

 

Also, she wasn’t unaware of the fact that he had been acting weird ever since they said goodbye. She knew he was throwing weird glances on her direction. Had he noticed? Was her facade not enough to hide her feelings? Was he uncomfortable because of that?

 

She was sure that if she asked him what was wrong, he would say that everything was okay. So she saved her breath, even though she wanted to cherish him and make him laugh until all of his worries were forgotten. But she couldn’t. He wasn’t hers to cherish.

 

“Mon-El, why don’t we honor your offer? Let’s train.”

 

His face lit up, warming her heart. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”

 

She couldn’t even bring herself to fully smile. Sadness had suddenly hit her again. For Rao’s sake, she wanted to have him back. She would always want him back. And it wasn’t possible. She had to settle with just being near him.

 

She followed after him, but Winn caught her arm, making her stop. “Wait, Kara, I need to talk to you.”

 

Mon-El looked at her with uncertainty, but she nodded. “Go ahead. I’ll catch up with you.”

 

Winn pulled her aside into one of the empty rooms, as she wondered why he wanted to talk to her in private.

 

“Kara, I know something’s wrong with you.”

 

Damn. She thought her facade was good enough, but apparently it wasn’t.

 

“I— I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stuttered. “N-Nothing’s wrong.”

 

“Kara, please. I know it’s about Mon-El. And I know you feel like no one wants to hear about how you feel, but you are so wrong. That’s not true. I want to be there for you and hear anything you have to say, because I care about you. And I don’t want you to carry this burden on the inside. Let me listen, let me help you. Please.”

 

Tears formed on her eyes, and she asked herself whether to tell him or not. Winn was truly her best friend, but how would he see her, when she told him she was still in love with a married man? But that question was ridiculous. Winn had a pure heart, he would never think less of her. He wanted to free her of her burden. And honestly, hiding her feelings had become too much for her to bear. The weight on her shoulders was going to make her crack.

 

“Winn, I— I never wanted this to happen. But I can’t— I can’t change my feelings. I’ve tried so hard, I swear. And I can’t.”

 

Winn moved closer to her. “You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?”

 

Kara just nodded, looking at the blurry image of him through the tears. “I know it’s wrong. But I can’t help myself. Sometimes I think that maybe I should distance myself from him, but after seven months of not knowing what happened to him, seven months of thinking he was dead, all I want to do is see him, even if I can’t be with him in the way I want to. Seeing him is a relief. But at the same time it hurts.”

 

“Kara, I get that you want to be near him. But it doesn’t mean you have to hurt yourself in the process. He wants to be your friend, and that’s good, you want to be his friend too. But you’re pushing too hard, you’re not yet ready. It still hurts you. So you need to stop putting his feelings above your own, because you say yes every time he wants to train. Believe me, I really get that you want to spend time with him, but this isn’t the way. You need to heal. So, please, think about yourself, and let me help you. I want you to be better.”

 

She took a deep breath, trying to contain the tears from falling, eyes burning. Winn was right. But there was something pulling her towards Mon-El, even when she tried to stay away. She kept gravitating towards him.

 

And getting better? She wasn’t sure that would happen soon enough.

 

“It’s been ten months without him, Winn.” Her voice was bitter. “Ten months, where nothing good happened.”

 

Winn’s eyes watered, and he wrapped her into a hug. “I’m so sorry, Kara. I will help you figure this out, I promise. Let it all go. Cry, scream, break everything on this room. Do it.No one else is listening, no one else is watching. I’m here for you.”

 

She didn’t know what led her to do it. Maybe her anger at Lena’s words, or her pain for Mon-El. She screamed with everything she had, and broke the chairs in the room. She broke the table in half with a simple pound of her fist. Her breathing was labored, as she pulled her hair out of her face with her hand. She looked at Winn, who watched her sadly. It was then that she finally let her tears fall. Sobs overcame her, as Winn hugged her again. She let herself hurt. Her body shook with sobs, and her face got wet with the tears that didn’t seem to stop streaming down.

 

“I’ve got you, Kara.” He whispered softly. “I’ve got you.”

 

After what felt like an eternity, she finally stopped crying. Her eyes stung, and she was sure they were bloodshot. But she had to get up. She had to keep going.

 

Kara pulled away from Winn, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “Thank you, Winn. I’m sorry.”

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing.” He sighed. “Do you want to go home? I promise I’ll contact you if something comes up.”

 

“I can’t. I was just about to train with Mon-El. I can’t leave him waiting.”

 

“What did we just talk about? You need time for yourself too. Go, I’ll tell him I asked you a favor and you had to leave.”

 

“I— okay.” She gave him a halfhearted smile. “Thank you.”

 

“Go, Kara.”

 

 

She did, she flew away and let the wind brush her face. She had no tears left. She just wanted the pain to go away. It eventually would, even if she felt like it wouldn’t. It had to.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Another day went by without any events.

 

Kara hadn’t seen Mon-El since before her talk with Winn, and she felt guilty for leaving him hanging. But there was nothing to do. She couldn’t, under any circumstances, tell him the truth.

 

She flew to her favorite spot in the city to clear her mind. CatCo’s rooftop. She sat on the edge, letting her legs dangle in the air. Her mind went blank, and it was a relief. She just looked at the sky peacefully, without dark thoughts clouding her. Then she closed her eyes, to absorb the light and energy the yellow sun gave her.

 

A swoosh of air hit her, making her open her eyes. Her heart fluttered as she saw Mon-El beside her.

 

“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” He sat beside her, copying her position.

 

She nodded. “Yeah.”

 

He shifted, and she realized they were actually too close. Their arms and legs were glued together. If she moved her head, she would be staring right into his lips. So she had to keep looking forward, trying to resist temptation.

 

“I think it’s only fitting that it is a beautiful day, you know.” His hand moved from his lap to hold hers. Her breath hitched. “Since I am going to confess my feelings.”

 

It was like an explosion went through her brain. She suddenly didn’t have the ability to think clearly. “W-What feelings?”

 

“My feelings for you. The ones that keep me awake at night, staring at the ceiling.”

 

“For me?” She couldn’t dare hope. Maybe she was misinterpreting his words. “But you... you don’t have feelings for me. You’re married.”

 

He smiled sadly. “I really haven’t given you a clue, have I? I’m so sorry. But I will tell you the truth right now. It’s what you deserve.”

 

He took a deep breath, preparing himself. “First of all, my marriage to Imra was arranged. I didn’t have a choice. The tensions between planets were getting higher, so I had to marry her, while I was still mourning you, and loving you. It was really hard for me. Over time, I learned to love her, but not as I was expected to. I cared for her as a friend. I still loved you. But I thought there was no chance to go back to you, so I kept going. Following my duties. And then we came back here.” He squeezed her hand. “You changed everything. My love for you, that I had pushed deep down, came back out with all its might.”

 

Her eyes widened at his statement. He loved her? He really did? She had to wait until he finished speaking.

 

“I tried to push my feelings down again, because I made a promise to Imra. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. And yet I hurt you, the person I care about the most.” He sniffled. “I’m so sorry, Kara. As we were leaving, all I could do was look back at Earth and think about how much I wanted to be with you, to hold you. But I couldn’t. I was bound to my duty. Interestingly enough, Imra made me see things clearly. She helped me realize I had to come back. We broke things off. And honestly, it was a relief.”

 

Her mind was reeling, along with her heart. She was speechless. She had been wrong, about everything. Mon-El did love her. He had always loved her.

 

“And yet, when I came back to you, I didn’t immediately act on my feelings. I don’t know, I guess I was still trying to honor my duty. But I should have come forward just upon seeing you again, because I heard your conversation with Winn.”

 

“Mon-El, I—“

 

“No, no, you did nothing wrong.” He interrupted her. “It was me. I did everything wrong. I made you suffer so much, Kara. I’m sorry, there isn’t enough time in the world to tell you how sorry I am. You’ve been through hell and back in just ten months, and it’s been so hard for you. All I ever want is for you to be happy. And you haven’t been lately, so much has happened to you. So I want to help you face your problems, and help you feel happy. That is, if you’ll have me. I love you. And I always will, no matter what.”

 

She was smitten. The sun shone on Mon-El’s face, like it was telling her that that was it, he was the one for her. He was still in love with her. And Rao, she was so in love with him. She couldn’t let him go ever again.

 

“I love you, Mon-El. With all of my heart.”

 

He let out a happy laugh, and rested his forehead against hers. “Hi.”

 

“Hi.”

 

He didn’t move, and just stared into her eyes. As always, he was waiting for her to make the first move, to do what she wanted. It made her love him even more.

 

She closed the short distance between them, pressing her lips against his. He responded immediately, sweetly moving against her lips. His hand was still holding hers on her lap, so she caressed his knuckles. His mouth felt warm and welcoming, making her feel butterflies on her stomach.

 

Mon-El pulled away to breathe. “Kara...”

 

“Being with you makes me feel happy. You’re like coming up for fresh air.”

 

Her statement made his eyes sparkle, as he pulled her into another kiss, more intense. His lips moved eagerly, as if the world was going to end, and his tongue made its way into her mouth, exploring. Heat pooled on her lower abdomen, and she moved her hands to grip at his hair, tugging hard. He groaned into her mouth, his hand moving up in her leg, until he reached her skirt. She bit his lower lip softly, breaking the kiss.

 

“Don’t you think this is a bit inappropriate for broad daylight? In a rooftop, with our suits?”

 

He laughed. “What do you suggest?”

 

“Would you like to go home?”

 

“Gods, that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do since I left.”

 

There were no more words necessary. She led him home, where he belonged. They professed their love for one another through kisses and caresses, occasionally whispering sweet things to each other.

 

Their love was absolutely unique. It overcame time and space. The universe wanted them together so badly that no matter what happened, they always found their way back to each other.

 

In the middle of the night, as Mon-El held her, Kara felt safe, at home. She could hear his heartbeat under her ear, finally. She had wanted that for so long.

 

“Kara, I’m sorry for making you suffer. I can’t help but keep thinking about what you told Winn, and I just wish I could take all of your pain away.”

 

She put her hand on his cheek. “You already are taking it away. You’re helping me heal. And I love you for it.”

 

“And I love you for letting me do so.” He kissed her softly. “Let’s sleep, love. You need it.”

 

Kara let herself relax and close her eyes, in the arms of her love.

 

Not everything was perfect. Far from it. Losing Lena’s friendship still hurt, and there was also Reign to deal with. But having Mon-El by her side made her feel strong, and prepared her for whatever would come next.

 

El mayarah. Stronger together.

 

* * *

 

 

When they arrived at the DEO together, holding hands, Winn gave her a knowing look, smiling. She blushed, and mouthed a silent “thank you” to him.

 

He played a part on them getting back together, after all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know this might sound crazy but... hear me out. Okay so how about,,, y’all stop making negative and pessimistic assumptions about season 4 and wait for an actual confirmation of what is going to happen? Thank you for your attention. Sorry if this sounds a little bit angry (which I am). 
> 
> Anyway, love to everyone. Xo.
> 
> Also, Karamel is endgame.


End file.
